Crystal Pieces

I heard you’re a player. Nice to meet you, I am the coach.

Throw me to the wolves, and I will return the leader of the pack.

These are two of my favorite quotes and they’ve been bouncing around in my head all week! I’m not really sure who said what. I’ve just seen them on Pinterest over the years, and they’re the one’s that stuck, you know?

I suppose I’ve been big on empowerment lately too, since I’ve started to sell Color Street in my spare time. You could ask me at 10 different times why I decided to do it, and I would probably give you 10 different answers. But I am having fun, most importantly. It’s something to look forward to working on, on my days off. I am grateful.

Major changes going on in the optical world. I keep telling myself I really do just need to *decide* what I want to be when I grow up, lol. The optical manager at my job is on maternity leave and I am sort of in her shoes. But of course, her shoes don’t fit me. My shoes fit me. Because they are Annie’s shoes. Hmm…I’ve been worrying. What my future looks like. What I want. How roles are changing. We all say were *meant for more* but I don’t know if any of us really know the gravity of what that means.  You can say you’re meant for more than this, but are you really up for the challenge? The responsibility? Some people seem to just love the monotony of life. Wake up in the morning, kiss your spouse goodbye. Then there are those of us always wanting, and waiting.  Two ing’s that probably don’t belong together, am I right?

I’ve made plans. I’ve decided to go see my dad in November. Is it wrong I look forward to the time away from here? Even if it means driving for 10 hours? My husband is my best friend. I just keep thinking the time away from each other would do us some good. No, nothing is wrong. Justin is my cup of coffee in the morning. He is my mother’s quilt I sleep with every night. He is the smell of the windows opening and the fall breeze entering in.

Still, I need to go away for a minute. Just a minute. Even if things with dad are no better than they were. Life in San Diego is like a snap shot. If I’m there, I can actually hold the snap shot in my hand, instead of seeing it from far away.

When I was growing up my dad had his computer chair and his computer set up in a corner of the room and he’d play his games all day and hold the cats some times and really, almost never talk to me. But I knew he was there. I might play my own computer games or watch TV behind him or hang out with this boyfriend or that dork or do this homework and watch that movie. But dad was always there, even in that amiable silence. It was still amiable. How do I get back to that?

How do you hold the snap shot in your hand?

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