In the Dark

I keep thinking of our neighbor and her dog. I always remember the dog’s name, Jackie, because I hear it yelled so often. But I can never remember my neighbor’s name. She’s just a sweet old lady who always seems to have an unending amount of laundry to do, because I can see it piling up on her bed from the window when I walk by.

It’s hard to believe J and I will have new neighbors now, only a few doors down. Next Saturday we will be in a new apartment unit all our own and I am excited, and also stressed. So many things seem to be slipping through the cracks. Laundry piling up, Christmas cards not getting to the mail box, donations not making it to Goodwill, but the dumpster instead. I’d like to get Justin a Christmas stocking this year for the little presents I got him, but he’ll probably just get the cardboard boxes with the Amazon logo still on them.

Even now I should be exercising and showering and doing my dinner prep for tonight before J and I go see The Last Jedi, but I’m here, typing away, in the dark.

It’s crazy how fast this year has gone by. I keep thinking how blessed I am. Sometimes I’ll just be driving to work in the morning, and as chaotic as work is, and as often as I wonder if I belong there or not—it just hits me. Man, I am so blessed. I hate thinking that I’ve enjoyed being a Smith way more than I ever enjoyed being a Hill, but I’ve been married now 6 months and I think it might just be true. Sometimes I just look at J while he’s on his phone or playing a video game, or feeding chicken to our cats, and I think man, I really love this guy. It’s almost like in that moment God is speaking and He’s saying—you see this, I gave you this. My gift to you, because I love you.

I think I would have learned gentleness without Justin in my life, but it sure would have been a long, hard road.


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