When did I become such a dick? When was the transition from not-so-much-a-dick to actual dick?
I dreamed this morning that I was trying to get to my dad. I was on a road trip with some other people, I don’t know who they were. Driving in the middle of the night, nothing but dark roads ahead of me, no lights, trying to get to my dad. I stopped somewhere for fast food to which other people in their cars were trying to call out to me and get my attention and I knew I was being slowed down. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get to my dad in time. I had this short window to see him and I knew, I wasn’t going to make the cut off.
I’ve been thinking a lot about love and what that is to me. I’ve been feeling so confused. It’s easy for me to judge and accuse and complain about what I don’t have without taking a tally of what I do have. Here’s a few things I know that love is, and well, I think respect goes into some of these as well.
- Leaving half the Asian salad in the fridge for your mom because she wants half and you know if you ate the whole thing, she’d be devastated.
- Going to church, with a hard heart like my own, and feeling it soften.
- When your boyfriend brings you a canteen of chicken noodle because you’ve been hacking the night away.
- Farting in the other room.
- Telling your daughter you’re getting remarried and not letting her find out about it via social media (wait…)
- Blood shed on the cross for me.
What are some of the ways you feel loved? Display it? Own it?