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Violence

I remember there used to be this stigma when I was younger that like, teenagers thought they were invincible while adults did not, hence why teenagers we’re always off getting themselves killed because they didn’t realize their limitations. I knew this kid, Dylan, and he was part of my high school youth group. Perfect example right there–as soon as high school ended, he went and OD’ed and he was gone. He thought he was invincible.

But I think that’s kind of backwards for me. I think when I was younger I didn’t take on the world, because I didn’t think that nothing could touch me. I got older and I started to feel that. I think I became more willing to dabble in things I shouldn’t dare to tread upon as I got older, whereas when I was younger, I was nothing like Dylan.

I bring all this up because everything, it seems, is biting me in the ass lately. And I didn’t think my ass was very tasty, but there you have it. I think my sins are catching up with me and that’s probably a very Catholic way to think and I am not Catholic. I wonder if God reads my blog. God, what are you doing up there? What am I doing, down here?

It seems like wellness is this new thing on the rise everywhere you go. I know how to be well, I just don’t want to be. I have time, I don’t want to make time. I want a burrito and sex and the TV. In that order, or reverse. Or all together at once. No, not all together at once. I’m kidding. Are you laughing? No? Okay.

I feel violent, lately. Like smashing avocados on the pavement violent. Part of wellness is being constructive and I’m not very good at that. Folsom has turned into an interesting place. Beautiful, expensive. You kind of always feel like you’re being followed because you see the exact same people every day all over town–at church, at the store, at the car dealership, in the bathroom. In your stall. Okay not that last part. But seriously. You feel side-by-side physically close to everyone you meet in this town–whether for five seconds out of your day or not. And yet, you don’t really know any of them. They are pictures in a book.

It’s time for change.