This is Not My Life

From where I stand, it’s like I’m at the perfect angle to be catching stars.

I hate being in transition. I hate being lonely. But this is what it is, this is the cross. Maybe it’s just the cross I carry for summer, or maybe it is the cross I carry forever. In a perfect world I think I’d be married to Matthew Lillard and I’d be a famous make-up blogger for girls everywhere and I’d get free product on a weekly basis (almost daily, in fact) and our children(mine and Matthew’s) would roam happily and they would not be segregated in a church or a school or anywhere that they went and we would raise them to know that weekends are for working and no one would be so happy as to be a mommy as I would be.

This is not my life.

I’ve begun a career that is causing me to access the complete left side of my brain and every day I feel as though I’m taking a little feather duster to all the cobwebs and stuff that have collected there. When I was in college I remember being in my algebra classes and hating math so much but at the same time knowing I could be the best at it if I really tried. I always knew how to get the answers to my questions even if it was the most round-about away. I had a teacher ask me how I got the answer to a question he gave me and I remember I said I didn’t know. And he asked me well, from where he stood, how was he supposed to know I wasn’t cheating? I said I didn’t know. I just knew that I knew that I KNEW the answer.

I’ve been living my life like that.

One thought on “This is Not My Life

  1. Hey love, just want to say it's really cool to watch God work in and through your life. From where I stand, it's pretty amazing 🙂 Can't wait to see where he leads you from here!


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