It’s strange how in the midst of so much noise there can be so much quiet. Inward and outward noise. San Diego isn’t a quiet a place. We live in a crowded area, with constant traffic. There are cars, there are dogs. Not to mention it’s always 4:20 somewhere and that’s not a quiet thing. Inside, the TV is always on. The fan is fanning. The microwave is beeping. Music is playing. People argue, but people whisper. And then, there are the voices inside of you.
They quicken. They stop. They sputter and then they gain pace. They gasp, gain confidence, and then quit altogether. The voices inside of me lately have been in a frenzy. Like a shark who sniffs blood and then loses it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about work and school and what comes next. This has been a year of new things for me, and I’m pretty sure it will continue to be so. I still think about moving up to Folsom to be with my mom. I think about trying to squeeze into her cottage made for one. Me and her and all our cats. I think of her local theatre, how I could audition for this role or that one. Or maybe I could put make-up on the actors and actresses.
It’s this cluster that were all in. Where crazy is the new sexy and you’d give anything to press into someone just as crazy as you. Or to know that at least if they could be that crazy, even the possibility of it, would be a comfort.
I must choose to be quiet under trial in a world that is not, period.
I eat my top ramen on a Monday morning. The world is quiet here.