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Restlessness

Feeling breathless.

Over a short amount of time I’ve found myself staying up later and later, and having a harder time focusing on going to sleep. Well, I guess if sleep is something anyone has to focus on then you’re probably doing it wrong anyway right?

I’m not sure what it is. Yes, I’m tired. No, I didn’t sit around all day. I’m just so fitful. Like, literally I’m having fits. I’m buzzing away…buzz buzz buzz.

I want a big girl job. Maybe it’s hanging out with girls who have them, or maybe it’s just the side effect of getting older. But I really, really do. I want a career, which leads me to thinking…

ever since I was little, I’ve always done things my own way. Marching to my own beat is an understatement. I am not a woman for a boyfriend or a bachelor degree. My lines cannot be cut because they do not exist. I cannot cut on the dotted line because I can only cut outside of the line.

Deception has a funny way of appearing in the shape of an opportunity. I’ve seen some “opportunities” come and go over the these last few Winter months and well, I know some day I’ll be glad I didn’t take them, but for now, as I take a stand in knowing absolutely nothing but the grace of God, I wish I had. I wish I had taken a chance and made those mistakes.

But hey–wait. I already have made mistakes. But that’s the thing…I want to make more. Why? Because mistakes are fun! And I never want to not be having fun because that’s like…no fun. Do you understand?

My tendency to do the wrong thing comes from my same instinct to take risks just because I can. Your greatest weakness is an even greater strength. And so, restlessness too, is a gift.

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