Two things on my mind these past couple days…
My supervisor was asking me the other day if I could come into work the next morning at an earlier time than when I was scheduled. I told him I couldn’t because I was going to church with my grandparents in the morning. I told him they *really* wanted me to go with them.
I didn’t tell him I was the one who asked if I could go to church with them. I didn’t tell him I asked them to pick me up in the morning. I don’t know. I wanted to make it sound like they were making me go. Because they were old and grandparent-y.
I mean is it such a big deal if people know who we really are?
Just for once I want to be play a tambourine in a band. I want to sing about handsome furniture and I want to dance and I want to sew as good as I claim I do. I can count with one hand how many people have seen that me. I don’t know. I want to be the person that the Lord sees when he looks at me every day. I want my victories.
I can’t deny who He is.
I’ve been thinking how as Christians we all have this idea of miracles and what classifies as a miracle and like we know God can perform them but do we actually expect his miracles in our lives? I think of my job and where I live and who I’m in love with and all those things and I ask myself what do I expect my Heavenly Father to do? Why do I doubt him? Why do I expect him to do nothing? If my God can part the Red Sea why can’t he do *that* stuff for me? Why am I afraid to have His best?
Can I trust? Can you?
I know for sure he will complete what he has begun.
In other news, work is getting busier and my hours are picking up. My co-workers are the best thing ever! I feel so loved and liked. Two of my coworkers encouraged me to pierce my eyebrow and switch out my nose ring for a hoop but I’m so scared and broke and scared. It’s a fear sandwich, lol.
Insomnia has been kicking me in the tush for the last few days. I’m not sure what my deal is. I just lay there at 4 in the a.m. writing blogs in my head and asking the Lord to help me fall asleep especially since I’m working almost every day and I’m getting over being sick.
I went out for drinks the other night with some girls from work and it was so loud at this Irish pub and I laughed so much and I was buzzing like no tomorrow and I just felt this part of me stop inside.
I’m waiting. For something. Whatever it is–this, this right now, isn’t it. There’s this dull throb inside of me that waits and waits some more for the next leg of the journey. My savior is there. Not that he’s not here too, because He is. But I think it’s okay to tell him when were going through the motions and we feel empty and unworthy of the love of our life.
For I know that you empty me, to fill me, to empty me again. I trust You.