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Pushing and Pulling

You never know when the spirit of blogging will come upon you.

Right now,  I’m just warming up for my daily work out….by drinking French roast.

I don’t really know what’s going on right now. God has been telling me over and over that I don’t understand because I do not see what’s going on behind the scenes. I’ve been given Isaiah 55:8 more than a few times this past week, and I know it’s just God gracefully reproofing me for feeling sorry for myself at times, and, to know that his ways really are higher than my ways. I can’t imagine what he’s up to.

If someone were to ask me what I was doing now, what God is doing in my life, preparing me for, I’m afraid I’d say “nothing”. I can’t say that, because that would be a lie. When has God ever been up to nothing, just watching Fringe with a couple bottles of Redd’s at his side?

I don’t know what I can say. God has put me in this place of silence. The voices around me are quiet, and now it is my turn.

There’s a verse in Philippians 2 that says to work out your own salvation with much fear and trembling. I kind of feel like that’s where I am right now. To be honest, being 21 is way better than being 20 for a few reasons I won’t mention, but those of you who know me, can easily figure out. 🙂
I’ve never been more anxiety driven than I am now and yet I know it is not for me to declare my needs to God. It is only for me to be silent, and still (Exodus 14:14, also She’s All That).

I’ve been writing again lately. Not just journaling, but really writing. I haven’t written like it since I was in college. It’s relieving, when this spirit comes upon me from I know not where. It’s kind of cool to see the mass of your brain–all its grey and spongy matter, simply written in one page.

One thought on “Pushing and Pulling

  1. “I'm the arrow/You're my bow/Shoot me forth and I will go.” So sings Matisyahu, and it feels that you are at the stage where God's hand has pulled you back in order to shoot far and wide. That moment of anticipation is where you're living – you're waiting to see where you're aimed – and watch what happens next! ❤

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